My Summer Bucket List 2018

Summer Bucket List

I’ve had a bucket list ever since I learned what a bucket list was. More often than not, it would lie dormant; years would go by before I looked at it again. When the due date is DEATH, there really isn’t any urgency to get things checked off my list. So I’ve decided instead to shorten the timeframe, and do a summer bucket list.

How to Make Friends – A Scientifically Proven 3-Step Process

How to Make Friends

It’s really hard to make friends as an adult. One of the reasons is that we subconsciously approach it as “finding” friends rather than “making” friends. We think about it in the same way we think about love at first sight, that we’ll meet this amazing person and instantly be BFFs. But it’s very rare to immediately click and bond with someone you just met. Because friendships aren’t found – friendships are made. And yet, we were never taught how to make friends.

For most people, it takes time to get to know someone and build that relationship. But it takes a lot more time when you don’t know how to do it; all the friends we’ve made up til now have appeared natural and easy. It’s only when you get to adulthood that you realize: making friends is hard.

In How to Be Yourself, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen maps out a three-step process for making friends. This is not a life hack; it will require a lot of investment, of both time and emotion. But it is a step-by-step, psychology-based guide on how to make friends. As with all things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Whether it is foolproof or not depends on you.

How to Reduce Social Anxiety

How to Reduce Social Anxiety
I am not a medical professional, and this information should not be taken as medical advice. If you have any questions, or think you may be suffering from a medical condition, please consult your doctor.

In the last post, we went over the myths that we tell ourselves when we’re anxious. We learned that our inner critic usually overrides all logic and reasoning; this, in turn, amplifies our feelings of anxiety. We also learned some ways to overcome those myths. In this post, we will continue our quest to quiet our inner critics, and learn to reduce social anxiety.

5 Myths of Social Anxiety

5 Myths of Social Anxiety
I am not a medical professional, and this information should not be taken as medical advice. If you have any questions, or think you may be suffering from a medical condition, please consult your doctor.

If asked, I wouldn’t have considered myself a socially anxious person. I thought I was a bit awkward, a bit shy, but I didn’t think I suffered from social anxiety. But when I read How to Be Yourself, especially the chapters on the myths of social anxiety, so much of it sounded like me.

“Social anxiety is fundamentally a distortion: it’s a mistaken belief that something is wrong with you and everyone will notice.”

When situations make us anxious, we either avoid the situations all together, or we endure them. This is reflected in the different levels of social anxiety:

  • Socially awkward moments.  We all have these from time to time. The last time I went to a movie, the ticket collector said, “Enjoy the movie,” and I replied, “You too!” That is a socially awkward moment.
  • Shyness.  This is when we’re comfortable on our own or with a small group of people, but are really quiet and awkward and nervous in large crowds. I feel like I started here and then upgraded.
  • Social Anxiety.  The fear of being judged and found lacking is so great that it actually prevents you from living your life. I might’ve drifted over here…

We can endure socially awkward moments and shyness, but Social Anxiety (as a condition) leads us to avoid situations where we might get judged. And it is these following myths that lead us to avoidance.

Clearing the Mind – No F*cks Given

Life-Changing Magic - Give No Fucks

We continue our journey to learning how to give no f*cks. This book is inspired by Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (obviously), which inspired millions of people to clean up their homes. The author, Sarah Knight, realized that decluttering is about more than just old clothes and unused kitchen appliances; our minds are just as cluttered as our homes. This is about clearing the mind.

So she made a guide to decluttering our mental and emotional lives after we’ve decluttered our physical surroundings. In The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, she explores the social norms that led us to giving too many f*cks, and outlines steps we can take to reduce that number.