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Day 1 – Commit

I joined a 31-day writing challenge. Why did I do this?! I already have 50 million other things to do, plus I have this huge problem with commitment. As well as major confidence issues. The first thought I had upon signing up was, I can’t do this.

But 2018 is my year of adventure. Of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Of saying yes to things that sound like a whole lot of awesome but I know will give me massive anxiety. I’ve already committed to a few things; I started this blog, and joined a softball team! So far, my life hasn’t ended yet. Sure, every game day I spend all morning wallowing in my anxiety, complaining to everyone who would listen that I don’t want to go anymore, why did I sign up for a softball team, it’s too cold outside and the park is too far away. But I made the commitment to the team, so I drag myself over there. And I end up having an amazing time. Turns out, I’m not half-bad at this sports thing.

And my blog. Look at me! Look at my blog! I didn’t even know what domain names and hosting were when I decided to do this! I set everything up myself, with a few pointers from a friend and hours upon hours of research online. It was so much fun I set up a website for my sister as well, and I’ve been offering my services to all my friends! (Well, I don’t have that many friends – I define “friend” as: you show up at my door with a body in the trunk, I grab a shovel, no questions asked.)

The truth is, I’m scared. I am so scared. I’ve loved books and reading and words and languages my whole life; being a writer is a secret dream I’ve kept in the deep recesses of my soul that I would’ve taken to the grave. I’m scared to death that I won’t cut it, that I won’t succeed at my greatest wish. If I were to fail at this, life will lose all meaning. All my confidence issues come crashing down on me, suffocating me under a giant, paralyzing heap of insecurity. I can’t do this. I’m not good enough.

Wait, what the hell, Lily?! NO! No more of this nonsense! I’ve been living with this and other insecurities for decades. This year, everything is gonna stop. I’m going to actively force these insecurities out. A while back, I read somewhere that if you are worried about failure, you’re already considering it an option. I cannot fail this year. I am not going to fail this year.

Originally, I was going to put this writing challenge off until March, because I’m particular about starting things at the beginning. But no, I’m not going to wait until March. (Plus it’s Lunar New Year! How about that for a fresh start?) I’m not going to give myself two weeks to talk myself out of it, to decide I can’t do this after all. I am making the commitment right now to write 500 words a day for the next 31 days.

I still have planned content that I’m excited to write about and share, so I might not post daily. I’ll still be writing every day, but I don’t know what the daily prompts are yet, and I want this to complement my planned content rather than usurp it. Currently, I plan to post regularly scheduled content on Mondays (keeping to the schedule), and post my writing challenge entries on Wednesdays and Fridays. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, I can change that later. Because life doesn’t always go to plan, as so clearly evidenced by my impulsive joining of a 31-day writing challenge. I don’t do spontaneous well, if you can’t already tell from this post.

That said, I am crazy excited about this challenge! I’ve never tried to write before, not officially (most of my writing has been journalling – did I just make up a word?). Yes, I’m still scared to death that my writing won’t be up to par, but I want to see what I’m made of.

If you’d like to join as well, please check out the original post here. Let’s do this together!

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